I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
there is puke in my bra ... again
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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