Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
