He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
