shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
