Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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