i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Every concussion has its silver lining
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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