Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
organizing the empties. That sober.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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