Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
should my penis look like a turkey
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
