I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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