my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
