she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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