look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
