I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
