I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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