The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
