Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
