apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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