I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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