just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We're too hungover to prance.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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