You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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