My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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