It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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