it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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