ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My ass is underappreciated
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
