You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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