I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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