does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
