I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
