You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
