I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
