I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
