Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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