i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
