he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
