i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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