Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
