Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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