the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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