just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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