ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
porn star boner night. come get it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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