your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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