I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
