You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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