we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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