he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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