my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
