we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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