Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
