Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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