Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
