Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
