Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
