This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
