so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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