every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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