My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
