We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
